Many of us are living life on pause. Not because we want to, but because somewhere along the way, we learned that our bodies supposedly needed fixing before we were allowed to fully participate. We learned to wait until later — to delay joy, connection and experiences until we felt ‘good enough.’
But life doesn’t happen later. It’s happening right now, and it’s time to Start Living.
What reflecting on death teaches us about living
Reflecting on death can sound uncomfortable or be confronting at first, but there is actually research that shows that reflecting on death can help people (especially women) accept and appreciate their bodies beyond societal beauty standards, and re-prioritise their life. Similar to having a near-death experience, this can help people come back to their values, put things into perspective, and reflect on what is actually important.
It prompts questions that many of us rarely slow down enough to ask ourselves (or even think about!), such as:
- How do I want to spend the time I have?
- What do I want to stand for in my life?
- What feels too important to keep postponing?
- How do I want people to remember me?
When we view life through this lens, appearance concerns and body image struggles begin to feel smaller — not because they disappear, but because they lose their power to dictate how we live.
The hidden cost of body shame
Body dissatisfaction is often treated as normal, or even inevitable, but its impact is far-reaching.
Research consistently links body dissatisfaction to poorer mental health outcomes, including increased risk of eating disorders and depression. Being worried about how you look also affects how people participate in life, and can impact what we wear, where we go, how we show up and whether we feel entitled to take up space.
When young people believe that their appearance is the most important thing about them, or that their worth and value can be determined by how they look, this sets them up for a lifetime of body shame when they don’t feel like they live up to the unrealistic beauty standards that exist. Reflecting on the things we are great at, our character strengths, and what we contribute helps us to realise that actually, who we are being, and what we are doing in the world is much more important than what we look like while we are doing it!
We can talk about this, but many of these messages are more powerful when we role model them too. Showing our kids that life is meant to be lived (and not postponed until we look a certain way) by swimming at the beach, trying new activities, expressing ourselves through our clothing, and being in photos is so powerful for showing what we value — particularly when we do it without any negative commentary about how we look.
What does it really mean to ‘Start Living’?
The concept that is ‘Start Living’ isn’t about ignoring health, or pretending that complex feelings about our appearance don’t exist. It’s about recognising that shame is not a pathway to wellbeing, and that waiting for the ‘right’ or ‘perfect’ body is not a requirement for a meaningful life. You can find more detail on this here.
The concept ‘Start Living’ might look different for everyone, but could be things like:
- Trying new things even if you might not be great at them at first
- Knowing our strengths and values, and letting this guide our choices
- Saying yes to experiences you’ve been postponing until you lose weight or look a certain way
- Speaking about your body from a place of neutrality (or kindness/acceptance, if that is realistic for you!)
- Showing young people that their worth is not tied to how they look
These shifts may seem small, but they are powerful. They allow us to reclaim our precious time and energy — resources that body shame quietly drains.
Free Start Living resources
We’ve got free tools to help you to Start Living, and have conversations about what really matters with your kids. We’ve created:
- A pep talk that you can listen to on a walk, at the gym, on the train or simply when you have a spare five minutes, to reinforce this message and start to rewire your thought patterns
- Digital conversation cards to help parents and carers open these deeper, reflective conversations with children in supportive, age-appropriate ways
Access them here.
When we reflect on how we want to be remembered, it can help us shape who we want to be — and most of the time, this has nothing to do with how we look. There’s no need to change our bodies, or hold back on doing things until we look a certain way. It’s time to Start Living!
