Here are my top go-to scripts for when a child asks the question “am I fat?”
– “Sweetheart, fat isn’t something to be scared of. It’s a part of every human body, just like muscles, bones and skin. Some people have more, some have less, and that’s completely normal.”
– “That’s a bit like asking, ‘Am I fingernails?’ You have fingernails, hair, bones, muscles and fat. They’re all parts of your body but they’re not who you are.”
– “Fat isn’t a bad word. It’s simply a descriptive word. The problem isn’t ‘fat’ itself — it’s that people sometimes use the word to hurt other people.”
– “Calling someone ‘fat’ as an insult makes about as much sense as calling someone ‘muscle’. They’re both parts of our bodies.”
– “Everybody has fat. Everybody needs fat. The problem isn’t having fat — it’s how we’ve been taught to be scared of it.”
– “Bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and all of them have fat. Instead of questioning whether someone has fat, it’s better to focus on whether we’re treating people with kindness and respect, regardless of what their body looks like.”
If you want to dive deeper, you could ask:
– “Can you tell me what made you ask me that today?”
– “What does ‘fat’ mean to you?”
– “How are you feeling about your body right now?”
– “Did something happen today that made you think about your body differently?”
– “Has someone said something to you, or have you seen something online?”
If your child is worried that being fat means something is wrong with them, you could say:
– “I wonder where you learned that being fat is a bad thing.”
– “Bodies naturally come in lots of different shapes and sizes.”
– “Our bodies are meant to change as we grow. That’s part of being human.”
– “I care much more about how you feel in your body than what your body looks like.”
If your child is comparing themselves to someone else, you could say:
– “Whose body are you comparing yours to?”
– “What makes you think that’s the body you’re supposed to have?”
– “Imagine if flowers all tried to look like roses. We’d miss out on so much beauty.”
– “Bodies aren’t meant to all look the same.”
If your child asks “am I fat?”, they may actually be asking:
– “Do I still belong?”
– “Am I enough?”
– “Will people still like me?”
– “Is there something wrong with me?”
If a child opens up to you with this question, you could respond by saying:
– “I’m really glad you told me how you’re feeling.”
– “Nothing about the size or shape of your body could ever change how much you belong in this family.”
– “You never have to earn your worth by changing your body.”
To help shift the conversation away from this topic, you could say:
– “Instead of asking whether your body is fat, can we ask what your body helped you do today?”
– “What’s something your body allowed you to experience today?”
– “Your body isn’t an ornament. It’s the vehicle that carries you through your life.”
– “I hope you spend more time living your life than worrying about how your body looks while you’re living it.”
Some of the most important things you can remind your child of are:
– “Your body is not a problem to solve.”
– “You don’t have to change your body to deserve kindness, friendship or respect.”
– “Your worth has never been measured by the size or shape of your body.”
– “The world may judge bodies. We never will in this family.”
– “You were born worthy. You are worthy today, and you’ll be worthy tomorrow.”
There’s no perfect script for this moment. What matters most isn’t finding the exact right words, but the message underneath them: that your child’s body is not a problem to be solved, and that their worth was never up for debate. With these scripts in your back pocket, you’ll be more equipped to handle these tricky conversations and help your child un-shame, re-frame and Embrace.
