What exactly is looksmaxxing?
Looksmaxxing is a social media trend that encourages people to maximise their physical appearance in order to become more attractive. While some of it focuses on things like grooming, skincare and ‘healthy’ habits, much of the content centres on changing, ‘fixing’ or optimising appearance — jawlines, body shape, facial features, weight, attractiveness rankings and the pursuit of physical perfection.
At its core, looksmaxxing can teach young people that their body is a project that always needs improving, and that’s where things can become tricky. Research tells us that when young people become overly focused on appearance, they’re more likely to experience body dissatisfaction, anxiety, low self-esteem and poorer mental health. Social media can amplify these pressures by encouraging constant comparison and unrealistic beauty standards. The good news? You don’t need to have all the answers or the perfect script and you don’t need to panic. What matters most is staying connected, staying curious and keeping the conversation open.
The words below aren’t designed to “fix” your child. They’re simply conversation starters — gentle ways to help your child think critically, feel heard and remember that who they are matters so much more than how they look. I hope these words support you in those curly, messy, complicated and sometimes downright challenging parenting moments.
You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.
Things you can say to your child about looksmaxxing
If your child says: “I need to start looksmaxxing”, you could say:
– “Can you tell me what looksmaxxing means to you?”
– “What do you hope will change if you become more ‘attractive’ according to these standards?”
– “Where did you first hear about it?”
– “What do you think makes someone valuable?”
If your child is focused on fixing their appearance, you could say:
– “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look nice, but I don’t want you spending so much time trying to improve your appearance that you forget to enjoy your life.”
– “Your body isn’t a project that needs constant upgrading.”
– “You deserve to experience your life, not spend all your time evaluating yourself.”
– “I want you to have goals bigger than your appearance.”
If your child says they hate a feature about themselves, you could say:
– “I wonder who taught you that this part of you needs fixing?”
– “Do you think that feature would bother you if social media didn’t exist?”
– “What would you say to a friend who spoke about themselves that way?”
– “You don’t have to love every part of your appearance, but I hope you can learn to treat yourself with kindness.”
If your child says everyone online looks better than them, you could say:
– “Remember, you’re comparing your real life to someone else’s highlight reel.”
– “Most of what you see online is filtered, edited, posed, selected and carefully curated. You’re not even comparing yourself to real people.”
– “The internet is full of people trying to convince you that you’re not enough so that they can sell you something.”
– “The goalposts of beauty/attractiveness/masculinity are always moving. Chasing them can become exhausting.”
If your child believes attractiveness leads to happiness, you could say:
– “Being attractive doesn’t protect people from having insecurities.”
– “Confidence isn’t built by staring at yourself in the mirror. It’s built by doing hard things, learning new skills, helping others and feeling connected.”
– “The happiest people I know spend more time living their lives than analysing how they look.”
If your child is becoming obsessed with optimising their appearance, you could say:
– “I’m noticing that you’re spending a lot of time thinking about your appearance. How are you feeling?”
– “Has all this focus on your appearance made you feel better or worse?”
– “Is this helping you enjoy your life more?”
– “I wonder if this is taking up more space in your mind than it deserves.”
To help them think differently, you could say:
– “When you think about the people you love most, what do you love about them?”
– “Have you ever loved someone because of their jawline?”
– “Do you admire people because of how they look, or because of how they make you feel?”
– “The qualities that make people and your relationships with them meaningful have very little to do with appearance.”
Some of the most important things you can remind your children of are below:
– “I care far more about how you feel in your body than how you look in your body.”
– “I want you to spend less time trying to be attractive and more time becoming yourself.”
– “The world will spend plenty of time judging your appearance. Home should be the place where you know your worth goes far beyond that.”
– “You were born worthy — not when you lose weight, not when your skin clears up and not when you become more attractive in the eyes of other people. You are worthy right now.”
– “The least interesting thing about you is the way you look!”
Looksmaxxing can feel like a big, overwhelming beast, but hopefully these scripts help you feel more confident and empowered to have informed conversations with your kids that ultimately help them un-shame, re-frame and Embrace.
